If Santa were Obama/Axelrod's Political Opponent

based on Obama's style (via Axelrod, Jarret) of seeking to personally destroy his opponents http://www.humanevents.com/2011/11/09/david-axelrods-pattern-of-sexual-misbehavior/
 And now without further ado: if Santa were Obama/Axelrod's political opponent by Soo-Do Nim

1. What's in Santa's "closet"? The word is out that Santa spends a great deal of time stashing more than just Johnny's gifts in that little bag of his. Santa's in the unique position to transfer goodies to drug dealers across borders WITHOUT THE USUAL BORDER SECURITY CHECKS! 
2. Santa Claus, or as he is also known "Saint" Nicholas, disappears off the grid for months at a time, reportedly stashing money in various Dutch bank accounts. But due to his secrecy, we're not even certain about where he goes, and he has been reportedly seen in some of the seediest neighborhoods in Chicago and L.A. 
3. Charity begins in Santa's home? - Where is the money? Thousands of volunteers raised money to "help" Santa reach more homes and chimneys, but much of this money has somehow vanished... it seems that plenty of the money has found its way into Santa's portly figure, as he lavishly feeds himself during his now infamous North pole parties. 
4. Santa's highschool girlfriend speaks out  - Poet Katherine Lee Bates wrote extensively about Mrs. Claus, but her fascination with the jolly red giant goes beyond poetic to perverse. Many underage girls have been a little more than "happy" after receiving gifts and favors from Santa. His behavior has raised more than a few eyebrows. But rumour has it that Bates was more than just Santa's poet, a secret hidden from Mrs. Claus until this year, when this important story broke open on the Puff Post. 
5. Reindeer abuse? Santa's sleigh gets fuller and fuller, while his reindeer continue to look skinnier and more sickly. Animal safety experts contend that the great distances his reindeer are literally forced to travel every December are tantamount to animal torture! How can we trust a man who cannot even take care of his own animals? 
6. Santa now putting his elves back in chains!! While Santa gorges himself on wine and cakes, his elves work tirelessly to build up Santa's ever-expanding wealth. He commands them around like his little peons, denying their human rights to vacation and health care. No, no. It's always about Santa. Well in this election, Santa needs to take a quick trip right back to the North Pole!