Cartoon Network Chief Resigns - Ensures All That the Network "is not a terrorist organization"

Jim Samples stepped down today as head of the Cartoon Network.

"It's my hope that my decision allows us to put this chapter behind us and get back to our mission of delivering unrivaled original animated entertainment for consumers of all ages," Samples said.

The Cartoon Network's "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" marketing campaign was mistaken for a terrorist plot by the City of Boston. Officials there perhaps don't know that actual terrorists have absolutely no sense of humor.

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Future iPods may be pre-loaded with music I don't want

Personally, I like the concept of getting a blank mp3 player and putting music on it that I like. For years radio stations tried to tell us what music we were supposed to like, and MTV and VH1 continue that same push mentality. Thanks to the internet, and music services such as emusic, Rhapsody, and iTunes, music lovers can choose what they want to listen to based on being able to listen to vast song libraries before actually plunking down any cash.

According to this Wired News' writer Leander Kahney, however, due to the recent settlement over the Apple name, and falling flash memory prices, future special edition iPods may come pre-loaded with pre-selected song libraries as a way to again push music on us.

No thanks. Music is far too individualistic for us to go back now to having music thrust upon us. Please just leave the players blank and let us choose!

If they would come out with a jazz-genre preloaded player, and if I was stuck in an airport before a long trip, then maybe I would care, but please, no iPods crammed full of U2, Aerosmith, Ludicrous, or some other artist du jour. IMO that's just more time I'd have to spend deleting these wasted attempts to add value.

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Billionaire Robbed for Petty Cash

Ernest Rady, the billionaire founder of Westcorp and former part-owner of the San Diego Padres arrived home to witness his wife and maid being robbed by a phony delivery man. Rady was also bound by the intruder, who left the house with less than $1,000 in cash about five hours after arriving.

Newsflash: just because someone is a billionaire doesn't mean they have a billion dollars in cash in their home! Their ashtrays, however, may have been worth more than $1,000.

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Anyone here speak Yawi?

A woman who speaks only Yawi, a dialect spoken by Muslims in southern Thailand, boarded the wrong bus and accidentally headed for Bangkok. Already 800 miles off course, she boarded another bus which took her an additional 400 miles off course, to Burma.

The good news? She has been found by her children and has returned home. The bad? It took 25 years.

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He Said He Would "Fly me to the moon"

Former astronaut Lisa Marie Nowak was well-trained for this mission - a cross-country expedition on which she chose to wear adult diapers in order to avoid having to make bathroom breaks. Whether she also consumed food on the trip from little packets I'm not sure. Nowak's (alleged) goal: to make the drive from Houston to the Orlando airport in time to accost romantic rival Colleen Shipman, an Air Force captain who was flying back to Orlando after seeing the third leg of this cosmic love triangle, Bill Oefelein.

Equipped with a knife, pellet pistol, can of pepper spray, steel mallet and 4 feet of rubber tubing, one can only speculate that Nowak had more in mind than just a discussion. And there was no International Space Station in need of repair anywhere near the airport.

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Dungy Makes History as First Bald Coach to Win Super Bowl

Although George Seifert(Super Bowl XXIV) and Mike Holmgren(Super Bowl XXXI) both came close, their comb-overs disqualified them from actually capturing the honor of being the first bald winning coach of an NFL Super Bowl. Congratulations to Tony Dungy, whose team fought tough to overcome an early deficit, difficult weather conditions, and one of the league's worst stadiums, to capture the title.

[Coach Bio]
[Victory page]